What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize