woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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