I cannot find my penis.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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