based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
