Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
