Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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