I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
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