Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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