My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Everything about him screamed your future.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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