You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
