Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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