Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
she pinky promised me she was 18
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
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