Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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