so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
