South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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