I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize