im drinking this country out of the recession.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
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