What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
