a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
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