im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
