what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
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