do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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