Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Randomize
