Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
