Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
