Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
there's paper in my vomit.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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