its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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