when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize