Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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