I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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