don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
