real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
