like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
