yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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