my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
