I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize