You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
