they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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