I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Randomize
