he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
