I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
