She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
