there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
