my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
