garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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