why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
