Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
