Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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