Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
