you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
My vagina just clenched in fear
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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