if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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