worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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