My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
