I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I need to align my fucking chakras
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
