MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
