woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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