He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
