Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
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