Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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