Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
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