im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
