Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
