She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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