If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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