if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
50% drunk capacity currently
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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