Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
