happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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