So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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