I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
