I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
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