better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Randomize
