dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
