Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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