I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
