Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
She even gives head with a lisp.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Last time i carry you out of a forest
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
This is my gift to your gina
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize
