her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize