Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
