you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
